With love in the air this month as we find ourselves showered with chocolates and paper hearts and singing gorilla grams for Valentine’s Day, what better place than the Magic Kingdom to celebrate with the one you love, right?

Well, sort of…

I mean, sure – there all sorts of romantic settings around the Magic Kingdom that are absolutely perfect for sharing a special moment – watching Wishes from the top of the Contemporary after a nice dinner at California Grill, or maybe even taking an evening stroll through the rose garden with an illuminated Cinderella Castle as the backdrop while you pop the big question – but at the same time, there are definitely also some attractions that may not necessarily be the best suited to help orchestrate that romantic vibe, if you really stop and think about it!

To help illustrate my point, I’ve put together the following list:

  • Stitch’s Great Escape – Sure, it’s an opportunity to learn about her threshold for obnoxiousness and the scent of chili dogs, but is it really worth your having to go on it, too?!
  • Buzz Lightyear’s Space Ranger Spin – I normally end up manning the joystick that rotates our pod when my wife and I ride, and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been accused of cheating by turning her away from the best targets to keep them all for myself. Only about half of the times it’s actually true, but it still might not be the best way to start a date off on the right foot!
  • Tomorrowland Speedway – I don’t know about you, but for me there ain’t nothing romantic about pinballing around that track at a blistering 7.5 mph – not exactly a blissful afternoon drive through the park, to say the least…
  • Mad Tea Party – Here’s one where knowing the extent of your partner’s proclivity to spinning and motion sickness can mean the difference between harmless merriment and revisiting that strawberry cheesecake that you just shared from lunch at the Plaza earlier…
  • it’s a small world – They said that you have to be crazy to be in love, so really, this attraction might actually be a pretty good test!
  • The Haunted Mansion – Thinking of getting married anytime soon? If your beloved happens to own a hatchet like a certain other bride who’s mysteriously gone through 5 husbands in this attraction – well, let’s just say that we call that “a warning sign…” 😯
  • The Hall of Presidents – Just like Al Green but with a taller hat, there’s nothing like the soothing sounds of Abraham Lincoln to help put a woman in the mood… 😉
  • Country Bear Jamboree – No. Just no.
  • Tom Sawyer Island – Honestly, nobody really ever goes here, so you’ll have plenty of privacy to argue discuss like a rational couple why you didn’t just go on Big Thunder or Splash Mountain instead.
  • Pirates of the Caribbean – The attraction makes it pretty clear that traditionally women have always been cool with being referred to as wenches, so perhaps there’s something to learn from this one as well???
  • The Magic Carpets of Aladdin – It’s just like that romantic scene with Aladdin and Jasmine in the movie … if they had flown in a perfect circle and found themselves being chased by other people on magic carpets while also chasing even more people who were on magic carpets themselves! Very romantic…
  • Jungle Cruise – It may not be The Love Boat, but what better place is there to learn if your sweetheart is afraid of lions and hippos and puns? Oh my!

Oh yeah, and one more thing – you’ll probably also want to steer clear of the Main Street Bakery and Big Thunder Mountain, too … not necessarily for any romantic conflicts, mind you, but hey – the less people in front of me in line for those gargantuan cinnamon rolls and The Wildest Ride in the Willllderness, the better! 😉